On Stolen Vacations, Cultural Festivals and School kicking my butt!

 Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh!

 Hi Everyone!

As some of you may already know, I'm almost graduating and so as of now, I am incredibly busy! I would therefore like to apologize in advance for the fact that I may not be posting as often as I would like to be or feel I should be. This semester, I've been taking two courses in my minor which is Broadcast media, my last International relations course and one general course which is Senior experience class.

To be quite honest guys, journalism is quite intense. Firstly because it's so new to me and thus everything seems quite daunting before execution; Secondly, because it requires more application. As opposed to International Relations where we apply our knowledge to real life situations, think about them, discuss and debate on them in a class or some sort of building, Journalism demands a whole different level of application to real life. Thinking about concepts, visualization of how you want the shots to look like, scouting locations, finding equipment and people to handle different roles, actual filming, editing...it's quite the task. However if you have the passion for it, you'll be just fine because sincerely speaking; the end does justify the means. When you see the final product of what you created, there's a sense of euphoria that takes over and everything is worth it. However before that happens, you'll be stressed out of your mind lol.

For my Radio class, I had to do a top 10 countdown assignment, a voice demo and Freestyle project which tests your ability to use elements such as voice, music, sound effects and silence in your work. I'm planning on sharing my work on here just to help any Journalism students who read my blog or simply anyone who's interested in Radio or even voice work. And don't worry guys, my lecturer was highly impressed with my work so even though I'm not a Journalism major, I know what I'm talking about, so fear not! For thy has got your back!

I'm also taking a course in Tv and Video production which is what is taking up most of my time, energy and brain capacity. For my final project I have to film a documentary so you can see why I have no time to post as often as I would like to. Normally, we are allocated such assignments in groups because it's easier to delegate roles such as director, lighting and sound director. However for this particular project, our lecturer wants us to have individual projects. Therefore, you have to find people to help you out with your project and sometimes people have their own projects to worry about. But I'm excited for this and I know despite all the stress, it’s going to turn out great!

Speaking of stress, I decided to take a break and go home because we had a school break due to the Easter holiday!Woohoo!Also because i was literally losing my mind and needed a break.What's  shocking is that I did not carry my laptop so I was laptop- less for four days! I know that may not be such a big deal for you guys but for people who always have something to get done using the laptop, that is a humongous deal. To be honest, it felt somewhat bizarre and foreign. I felt like I was wasting time and that I should have been finishing up some pending work, but since I had no laptop, I had to coerce myself into living in the moment and not thinking about everything that was waiting for me back at school; Which was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be.

If you follow me on my social media you probably know that during my short vacation, I attended the International Nubian Festival which was such a blast! It was a great way to unwind considering the fact that I did not want that to go in the first place. However I ended up going and dancing the night away, under the night sky to tribal drum beats was definitely a treat! 

People dancing to Doluka: the Nubian dance.

Lately, I've been thinking intensely about my blog and I've decided to spice things up a little. To me, a blog should be an area for self expression and where people can go wild with creativity, which may come differently to different people. In my case, I want to stop stressing so much about how many posts I’ve presented and focus more on the quality of the content and what appeals more to diversity and creativity. Hence, I will be introducing more audiovisual and also written work to simply make this blog more interesting and exciting! Also, it will be a great way for me to practice everything I learn in class especially to do with broadcast media and I cannot describe to you how excited I am!!Now let's just pray I can actually make the time for all these new projects I've planned out.

I'm trying to do more film work which is in tandem with my goal of starting a YouTube but vlogging is seriously not as easy as it looks lol! But I'll keep my best foot forward and see what I can come up with.I hope you are all having an amazing time wherever you are and I hope you are doing what you love! Here’s to less stress, trying out new things and living in the moment! Talk to you soon in shaa Allah!

XOXO!

Why I started Blogging.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hi Guys!

When I first came across the concept of blogging which was around 2012, I was simply amazed. I had always loved writing and the fact that anyone in the world could create content and place it out there to be received by a multitude of people was simply fascinating to me. I immediately knew that I wanted to have my own blog. However I had no idea how I would create one, what kind of content I would be posting or even where I would access wi-fi from, but I knew with all certainty that I wanted to have a blog.

When I moved to Nairobi for university in 2013, I moved in with my aunt who had access to wi- fi, hence giving me the opportunity to create the blog I had always desired. In case you didn’t know, which I presume you don’t, I had another blog prior to this one. It was more so a test run, rather than an actual blog. I rarely posted on there because I never really liked the content I was putting forth. I did not like the aesthetics of the blog and frequently questioned why I even created the blog in the first place. However, i still had that burning desire to have a blog; to create and share my content with the world. I felt that I had so many things I wanted to voice that no one was talking about. And so I believed that having a blog would not only be a way for me to get creative, but to meet like minded people from all over the world.

It was clear that I was not going to give up on blogging. I therefore deleted that blog and started NNF. I had learnt so much about blogging already, but I had not learned enough. As most of the people who have been avid readers of my blog know, this blog has been almost always under construction. My blog name has changed a couple of times, the aesthetics of my blog have changed a number of times and the content on my blog has changed drastically; in my opinion, all for the better.

Initially, I had wanted to angle my posts focusing on life as a Muslim girl in Kenya; for the simple reason that I felt there was so much in the Muslim community that people were not talking about. Things like depression, suicidal thoughts, drugs, boys, youth…I wanted people to talk about issues such as these that appealed to young Muslims like myself; and were relevant in today’s day and age. However no one was shedding light on such issues other than the regular, ‘don’t do this, don’t do that- that’s haraam (forbidden), and you’ll go to hell if you do that’ type of talk. I felt betrayed and saw society as a hypocritical one, because most people were constantly pointing fingers at the decadence of the Muslim youth and how we left our Islamic ways and were continuously derailing in our morals. Yet, it was members of this same society that had raised us. But somehow, we as the youth in general were the only ones to blame. I was hurt because I for one did not want to be a ‘bad Muslim’ I wanted to be good. However people were busy pointing fingers and no one was really working to help improve the situation. I was done and I wanted people to hear my voice.

However, I was 18 and inexperienced. I needed help and direction on how to go about telling my stories. As I scouted the internet for blogs that tackled issues in line with what I was thinking of, I realized that there were close to none. Most Muslim bloggers weren’t doing the honest, heart to heart blog posts that I was particularly interested in but rather more of fashion, beauty and ‘how- to’ blogs were what existed; of which I have nothing against. But that was not what I wanted to focus on. And so I panicked, I kept on asking myself, if no one else is doing such posts, who am I to start now? Then I thought, what would the community even think about such posts? Would they accept where I was coming from or would I end up being shunned?

I have always loved and will always love my Islamic faith. The last thing I would want to do is to portray it in a negative light or have my words commit any injustice towards it. However, there are things that I felt needed to be said. But I panicked and started doing what everyone else was doing even though it felt a tad bit fake. But hey, most people were doing beauty and fashion posts so why not do the same? I wanted my blog to be popular too. I wanted to have a bunch of comments in the comment section and I wanted to have people follow me on my social media. Because what is the point of having a blog anyway if no one reads it?

So there I was, doing things to please others and not myself. I am a firm believer in the notion that as an artist doing any form of art, you have to absolutely love the content you create and put out. You have to produce content that when you personally read, watch or listen to, it invokes something magical in you; something that makes you feel that you have fully delivered. That you have not sold yourself short or held anything back. That the content you have created is the exact type of content you want to see in this world. That does not mean that you cannot create content at the request of others, but rather even though you are creating content to make someone else happy, it is still something that you are ultimately proud of and can hold your head high and claim it.

Until quite recently, I was still selling myself short. When I learnt how to honestly communicate through my words, I realized that it’s ok to be open and allow people to see what you really have to offer. It was not anymore about what people would say or how they would react to my words, but it was more of; this is what I have to offer. It is sincere and real and I really hope you like it, but if you do not, that’s fine too. It’s not about pleasing or competing anymore but about being the best I can be. 

This is not to say that everything I had been doing prior to my ‘blooming’ was a waste of time; not at all. I think it was a crucial and pivotal part of the journey that allowed me to get to where I am now. It was in that period that I discovered that my world was actually broader than I thought it initially was. It dawned on me that I enjoyed doing the occasional fashion and beauty posts. However, I also wanted to talk about important issues; I wanted to talk about history, culture, politics, religion and a myriad of other interesting topics. I noticed that not only had I learnt to be open and tell the stories that I wanted to at the onset of my blogging chapter, but my scope of life had completely expanded. I was not afraid to explore or grow out of my comfort zone.

About two days ago, I received a message on Facebook from Muslimah bloggers asking me to write a brief description about my blog. Surprisingly, it turned out to be much more difficult than I had anticipated because I found myself trying to label my blog. I definitely know that I am not a fashion blogger but I still love to talk about fashion when I feel inspired to do so. I also know that I am not a beauty guru but I love the occasional beauty posts. Am I a lifestyle blogger? Maybe, I don’t know. 

And that is the main reason why I still have not written that brief description for Muslimah bloggers, because I simply don’t know what kind of blog this is. All I know is that I love to blog. I love to write. I love to create and I love sharing my creations with anyone who is interested. All I Know is that this blog is a place for me to explore and make mistakes, have a voice and create. It’s a place for me to let my creativity run wild. And that is really all I could ask for from this blog. That feeling that lets me know that the content I have put forth, is that which I am proud of and that which I know not only inspires me, but inspires you too. Because what do we live for if not inspiration?

Where in the world have I been?

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Niaje Guys!!

You’re all probably wondering what has been keeping me so occupied, seeing as the last time I posted something was about over a month ago. I posted on my Facebook page about two weeks ago that I wasn’t dead or anything of the sort, and that posts were coming up soon. Then again I doubt that two weeks later can still be dubbed as soon. Well I felt the need to explain myself and so that is what I’m doing now. Basically, I was busy settling back into school and freaking out about life.

Firstly, this is my second last semester of uni and my graduation is in August in shaa Allah. Let’s just say your girl has been trying to not lose it under all the pressure of maintaining a good GPA and all the other responsibilities that come with my life in uni, not to mention my personal life. We could genuinely say that my life in uni is kind of like a profession and then my personal life is just that, my personal life. And it is all quite hectic. Not that I’m complaining, I actually prefer having a tonne of stuff to do rather than having nothing to do at all.

I’m guessing by now you’re thinking, Kadzo, every semester is stressful and ‘professionally’ exhausting for you, what in the world makes this one so different? Well, fear. That is the one word that describes how I truly felt at the onset of this semester. I’m an International Relations major taking a minor in Journalism and my passion has always been in journalism; however I let people talk me out of doing that because I was afraid that if I was to fail, everyone would be pointing fingers at me saying ‘we told you so’.

I remember one incident in primary school where my head teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had always admired news anchors and thought that would be a great way to earn some money. I had been told plenty of times that I was great with crowds and could speak quite eloquently and confidently. Anytime there was a school event, I would be called upon to say a prayer or a vote of thanks or even perform something, and I absolutely loved it. Not only did I love how much I enjoyed it, but I loved the recognition and attention it came with. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you probably know how much of a Primadonna I am. And I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that. However when I answered my head teacher with the word journalism, she looked at me with eyes of dismay and said, “why would you want to do that?” You can imagine what kind of effect such words would have on a nine year old kid.

When I approached my family with my decision to pursue journalism, I realized that they were also completely against it, claiming that the Journalism field in Kenya was crowded and that I was too smart to waste my brains on journalism. So then I ended up in International Relations reluctantly, but then ended up falling madly in love with it. I’ve come to learn so much about the world and how politics plays such a crucial role in our everyday lives. Moreover, I came to learn much about Africa and began appreciating my land, its culture and diversity, which was contrary to how I felt about it before. It’s not that I hated my continent, it’s that my thinking was so westernized I literally began seeing Africa as the ‘dark continent’ which is extremely far from the truth.

When I realized that my uni offered minors, I was elated because that meant that I could pursue International relations as a major and Journalism as a minor; which is exactly what I decided to do. My concentration in my major is peace and conflict, and my concentration on my minor is broadcast media. As of now, I only have one IR course remaining which I am currently taking; Regional conflicts in Africa. Consequently that would mean the only remaining courses are my broadcast courses, which are quite intense, hence me freaking out. This semester I have two journalism courses both of which are extremely practical. It’s one thing to have to film every single week, edit and present it and then be graded on it and it’s another thing to be the only newbie to be in that class, filming, editing and presenting. Everyone else in my class is a Journalism major so they’ve basically had three whole years of training whereas I’m coming in as a first time student. I basically have to work twice or even thrice as hard as the other students just so I can compete at the same level as them and get a good grade; which is crucial as I don’t want to be getting grades that lower my GPA when I’m so close to graduation.

It’s quite challenging I must admit, and sometimes I even ask myself whether I’m capable, but I always remind myself of the verse from the Qur’an where Allah The Exalted says, “ Allah does not charge a soul except with that within its capacity.” Surah Baqarah, verse 286. This basically means that whatever you have on your plate, however stressful or daunting it may be, if it is on your path, then by Allah you have the strength and guts to survive it and be successful at it if you put in the work. And because I worked so hard at this course, I ended up performing even better than my classmates who are all journalism majors Alhamdulillah. So much so that there’s this one girl who I believe was the top student before I came along, who literally hates me because I’m doing so much better than her. I can’t help but feel bad about that but I won’t go around kissing ass just to get someone to like me when I didn’t even do anything wrong. Remember when I wrote about stopping girl hate? Yeah I still maintain my stance, why can’t we all just help each other out?

I can’t help but think about the late Steve Jobs when he said that the dots can only be connected looking back. As I look back on my journey, I’m actually really glad that I took IR as a major and Journalism as a minor which is something I never thought I would say. I love both courses passionately and I’m so grateful to Allah (sw) that He had my back through all this. I’m happy with where I am and how far I’ve come Alhamdulillah. This definitely doesn’t mean that I have everything figured out, but I do feel confident that Allah (sw) has a plan for me; and for you too. We may plan, but Allah (sw) plans too, and He is the best of Planners. One thing I will say is never shy away from a challenge. You guys already know that I do not do so well with failure, but it such a crucial part of life that I feel teaches us more than success does. Don’t be afraid of doing something because you’re afraid of failing, that’s how you learn and grow.

So how do I survive uni you ask? I think ET the Hip Hop Preacher said it best:

“So when you fail a class, don’t drop it, don’t just stop going, you’re going to the end of that class. Because I want you to know something, when you start that class over the next semester, you won’t be starting from scratch, you won’t be starting from the bottom, because you’re already all the way up here. Now all you have to do is go a little further. So keep reaching, and keep climbing.”

Granted  no one likes to fail and even retake a class, but he has a good point. Keep pushing and keep climbing.

2016.It all depends on you.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh!
Hey Guys!

As promised, here are the rest of my tips to an awesome 2016!If you haven’t read my previous post, I recommend reading it before going ahead with this one. All you have to do is click here.

Well, lets roll!

Practice Gratitude.

There’s something about giving thanks that ultimately humbles a person. As someone who is an adamant complainer (I know, I’m trying to work on it),one easily gets really caught up in all the hustle and bustle of life and suddenly one day you wake up and all you see is negativity. And it’s terrible. Giving thanks always helps me put things into perspective. Furthermore, it isn’t rocket science. What I like to do is start from within. For example I could ask myself, what qualities of mine do I love the most? And then move from there. My gratitude ‘mantra’ would sound something like ‘I’m grateful for my life and that I’m healthy and I’m better than I was yesterday. I’m grateful for my eyes and my hair, for the love I have for my family, friends and nature, and I’m grateful for Islam…etc. Alternatively, I would just say Alhamdulillah, which basically translates (in lay mans language) to OH ALLAH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING I’M JUST SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW I CAN’T EVEN BREATHE YOU DESERVE SO MUCH PRAISE  I’M JUST SO GRATEFUL YOU HAVE NO IDEA BUT YOU PROBABLY DO BUT EITHER WAY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!! *paraphrased*

However, sometimes you can get into a routine of just saying things for the sake of saying them. Like absent mindlessly saying Alhamdulillah or I’m grateful for water, the sun the trees…blah blah blah. That doesn’t really work, you need to go deep and be really sincere about what bounties you’ve been blessed with and I promise you will see a difference in your life; especially when you’re having a bad day, week, or even month.

Just Do it.

Did you guys know that I started a clothing business in 2015? Pink Apparel is by far one of my greatest achievements Alhamdulillah, and although I have so many obstacles to overcome, I’m not planning on giving up on this. Everyone has dreams and things they want to accomplish. However, most of the time we think too much about the hows and what ifs that we get discouraged because we feel that it’s too high of a mountain to climb and thus we end up giving up before even beginning.

Pink Apparel started as a closet sale. I was trying to get rid of some stuff that were wasting away in my closet but were still in really good condition, and so I figured, why not sell them? Whatever the outcome, I would sleep knowing I had put myself out there. Furthermore, running my own business is something that I’ve always wanted. Before long I was getting calls from people all over asking me whether I had more stuff and that I should inform them when I had new stock. And the rest is history!

The point of this is to show you that if you really want something, go and get it. I was in my third year of uni, going crazy with all my responsibilities, but that didn’t stop me.  Work with what you have and stop making excuses that you’re not ready yet, that the timing isn’t right, that the people around you aren’t right. At the end of the day, we are incharge of our own lives. Allah (sw) has given us all we need to pursue our dreams and goals.  If you don’t go after you want, it’ll be all on you, so just go ahead and do it.

Don’t ever give up on what is important to you.

For those who are avid readers of my blog, I salute you for all your support and for putting up with me. Sincerely speaking, I really appreciate you guys because you have no idea how many times I thought of deleting this blog. I felt like I had no direction and no idea what I was doing. But all your positive feedback and my love for writing reinforced me into not giving up.

Through this blog and other blogs that I love to read, I’ve learnt so much about myself and transformed into a much better person. Granted, I’m not there yet, but I’m getting there in shaa Allah. 

We live in such a fast paced society which has turned us into people who don’t really know the essence of taking time to hone your craft. We expect immediate results and if we don’t see them, give up without a second thought. We are constantly comparing ourselves to our counterparts, and using them as yardstick for success, but Rome was not built in a day guys, that’s just it. It may take a day, a month, or even years to get to where you want to go but that doesn’t mean that you won’t get there. Direction is so much more important that speed. And that’s something we need to constantly remind ourselves of. My question now is this, if it’s something that you love to do, what the hell are you waiting for? Get started!

2015, despite all the hardships, all the rants and complaints I filed against you, you were good to me. Or rather I was good to myself. The amount of change and growth that has overcome me is definitely incredible. I grew up, and I’m grateful to Allah (sw) for that. But I realize that it wasn’t the year itself that made the difference, it was the moments in the year. Moments that I decided to create and bring to life. Because once upon a time, 2015 was a new year, and now it’s dust and ashes, only memories remain. And so it shall remain with 2016.Its just a year. Old or new, it makes no difference. What causes a spark is the moments we decide to make out of it. To me, everyday is a chance for a new resolution, for a new goal, for an improvement and a celebration. A new year is a momentous affair where reflection is warranted, and people decide to be better or even to just be. It really all depends on you.

2016.To doing you and Praying more.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy
Hi Everyone!

As I write this post, it will be my third attempt at trying to make something out of my words. Not that the previous posts weren’t good enough, on the contrary, they just didn’t feel complete. The emotions they evoked and the messages they portrayed weren’t in unison with the direction I had in mind. I wanted to write something that was heartfelt but still beneficial to you guys. Normally, I write posts that speak to me first and foremost. My basic misanthropic rants (that we all enjoy, I know), are mostly written to help me put things into perspective, to speak from my heart and let  the negative stuff go. However I wanted this post to really be for you guys…but also ultimately for me because I’m the one looking through my experiences and conveying my thoughts; not forgetting that I’m also subconsciously a self- serving narcissistic Primadonna who can’t help it.

Lol just kidding!

No really though.

Eventually all the brain racking resulted in a light bulb going off and I thought, well what did I learn from 2015 that would help me become a better sailor for the rough waters of 2016? Then I thought, hey, these are some really great lessons (the narcissist in me, I told you I can’t help it), I should share them because you never know whose heart may be softened by this. So that’s what this is. My most important lessons from 2015 that will help mould me and you into better sailors, not only for 2016 but also for the future in shaa Allah.

Ps. this post turned out to be fairly long, so I decided to break it up. Hence I’m sharing my first two lessons today and then tomorrow I’ll share the rest in shaa Allah. I hope they help!

Oh and Happy New Year!

Do you boo. Seriously.

I know, this is an extreme cliché. However, words as important as these need to be repeated constantly because we don’t get enough of this. We need this in our lives, at least I do. Today’s society bombards us with so many identities and so many idols we ‘need’ to look up to and strive to be like, because otherwise our lives have no worth. And even though we’re onto their mind control games and strategies to defame our true selves, we can’t help but fall into their trap.

Just recently I caught myself. I caught myself allowing all these social media sites to dictate how I feel and live my life. My mom keeps telling me I’m addicted to my phone and I can’t help but hate her for saying that. But there is some truth to it, and not in the good kind.  I allowed a number to infiltrate the eerie parts of my head and coerce me into feeling worthless against my own will. Paying close attention to what everyone else was doing and forgetting that I was not them. That I was me.

That my writing was like me and my art was like me. Not like the one who’s writing I wanted to mimic. Or the one whose art made me feel inadequate. And certainly not like the one whose number of followers and likes and amazing pictorial composition made my life seem utterly mundane, that I couldn’t help but wonder what I was doing with myself. I felt like every second of my life was meant to be spent doing something extraordinary, that anything otherwise, would be me wasting my life away. But aren’t these humdrum moments what make the extraordinary part of life so extraordinary in the first place? I seem to have to constantly remind myself that there’s a big difference between being inspired and being obsessed.

However I caught myself red handed trying to sabotage my truth and I decided no more. Because where’s the fun in trying to transform yourself into a carbon copy of someone else? That only leads to misery and don’t we all ultimately just want to be happy? I realized that all this unnecessary pressure is only going to rain on my parade. So take my advice and just be you. We really don’t appreciate ourselves enough and its time we start doing that.

Pray about everything.

I had to get sick for me to realize that I needed to relax and chill out. A lot of you probably know by now that anxiety is not pretty. I used to think most people were like me, that they would think extensively about ongoing or imminent events to the point of a nervous breakdown. I thought that was normal. Everyone does that right?

Wrong. Actually, that is something that is quite bizarre to the rest of the world. I don’t know about where you guys come from, but here in Kenya mental disorders are still not considered as ‘legitimate’ illnesses by the society at large. Things like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are seen more as ways of seeking attention, and unless you are surrounded by adequately informed people, you are blatantly expected to just…get over it. Finding someone who genuinely understands you, and wants to help you, especially one whom you feel comfortable enough to open up to, can be quite difficult at times. Acknowledging that keeping things bottled up inside is definitely an unhealthy way to go, I find that it really helps to pray. There’s a sense of relief that comes with knowing that there’s a higher power behind everything that happens. That everything happens for a reason and everything will eventually be ok.

I know that most of us turn to Allah (sw) when there’s something huge weighing down on us. But why not pray about the small stuff too? Like praying to have a good walk to the bus stop or asking Allah (sw) to bless you as you clean your house, or cook breakfast or make an art project. I practiced a little bit of this in 2015 and it impacted my life immensely. Having that positive consciousness that Allah (sw) is ever present in your life, guiding you, protecting you and blessing you constantly, helps put things in perspective especially when that anxiety bug kicks in and tries to drive you to dementia.

So as you eagerly anticipate the next three lessons that I’m going to share, think about and internalize what I just said ok? Ok. Happy 2016!

Updates on finals, hating people and welcoming the holidays.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh.       

Hey guys!

 

It’s currently night time and I’ve been intending to post something for the past two days. However, multiple things keep getting in the way. Things like me perfecting the art of doing nothing, coerced chores and watching bad tv. I’m back home, in Mombasa for the holidays, and you could say I’m stuck between the bliss of not having a myriad of urgent things to do, and the misery of not crossing anything off my  to-do list.

I had forgotten what free time looked like and I don’t think my heart is ready to get back into the hustle and bustle of to do lists. Nevertheless, in between the toxic television and social media I’m helplessly indulging in, I need to find the time to create. Even force myself if need be. Consequently, I feel that i am in need of a detox from all forms of negative vibes. Be it people, feelings or various forms of ‘entertainment’. 

My journal has lately been filled with drunken words about becoming a better Muslim, stupid boys, my fears, people I love to hate and life in general. I’ve been quite exhausted this past semester, and I’m utterly grateful to be over with it.

However If there’s one thing I’ll miss about last semester, it has definitely got to be my storytelling class. In the formal academic dialect, the class is known as ‘Principles of broadcasting’, but to me, it’s the storytelling class. It was through this class that I bloomed as a writer. I’ve mentioned my lecturer from this class on my blog before, so I doubt that it comes as a surprise. Not only was the class absolutely fun to be in, but I actually learnt something worthwhile and not just to excel in exams. Most importantly, learnt how to write clear and hard about what truly hurts. I learnt how to be honest, which still does not come naturally to me. My lecturer kept pushing me to tell my stories and at first I had no idea what he was going on about. I knew I wanted to write my stories. I thought that was what I had been doing.

Until one day when I just decided to write what I truly felt. From the heart, and all the pieces magically fell into place. I stopped letting myself get in my own way and started listening to the voice within. Most times, that voice doesn’t come at you screaming. Most times, it whispers in the faintest of voices. For some people it takes years before they can hear that voice let alone start deciphering and mastering it. For others, they just know. For me, it’s a work in progress. And progress is what I believe truly matters.

Finals went great. I know, those are words rarely heard of. But they did Alhamdulillah. I only had two sit in exams and the other two were hand in assignments. For my story telling class, we had to hand in a treatment and proposal for a 60 minute documentary. As much as I was freaking out because I had never delved into such a project before, I relished every moment of it. I might post it on here in shaa Allah, not sure though. My documentary was about Sharon Mundia who is one of the top fashion bloggers in Kenya. The documentary implements a follow me around kind of technique, so the audience gets a glimpse into the life and work of a fashion blogger. I would definitely be interested in filming such a production. The thought of actually doing it however, is terrifying to me.

Speaking of fear, graduation is in two semesters and I still cannot wrap my head around that. I’m literally freaking out at this ‘new chapter’ that’s about to begin. Sometimes I feel like I’m too young for my age and life is coming at me way too fast. I mean where does time run off to? Kind of like how one minute I’m in Nairobi, and the next I’m in Mombasa.

The ambiance in my room back in Nairobi is exceptionally breathtaking. Not only because I know it, but everyone else that comes into the room, does not fail to re-emphasize this with their compliments. I put fairy lights all across the ceiling and wall, and it definitely brings in a whole new feel to the room. One night, I got a tad bit overly sensitive and decided to go through my high school diary. I realized that as much as I hated high school, I experienced some amazing moments there and I thank my diary for taking the responsibility of refreshing my memory. 

There was this one girl who always pestered me to stop keeping a diary, because one day someone was going to get their hands on it and all my secrets would be exposed. Like I flipping cared. Like anyone else cared. I bet she was the one who even wanted to know what was hidden in those pages. Just thinking about her makes me want to punch a wall. I thought my high school scars were healed, but no. I just really detest some human beings and I’m honestly not sorry about that. Even though I feel I should be. But they made my life a living hell, and I need time to get over it. If I ever get over it.

This holiday is all about being productive, creative and being happy. I got sick the other day and it suddenly became evident that I need to slow down and re-learn how to relax and be more present. I also think I’ll start posting more lifestyle oriented posts as opposed to ‘my life’ posts because as much as I enjoy pouring my heart on this blog, I think it’s healthy to give people a break from my disturbed mind, at least once in a while.

Ps. I'm exploring blogging from my phone so please excuse any irregularities.Thank you!