Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh
I wouldn't consider myself to be a shrew but I definitely think that lately I have been quite the flop when it comes to positive energy. To be honest, I had gotten tired of pretending to be happy when I wasn't. I've always been the type to lift everyone's spirits. The one who always kept a positive outlook on life. The one who always said, 'don't you worry,its all going to be just fine', but experienced a mental break down the instant I was alone in my room. And I think it happens to the best of us from time to time. Hence,you can only imagine my surprise when a friend of mine was commenting at how miserable our lives were and I felt this tingle beneath my chest. There was a sense of warmth and fuzziness that emanated from my beating heart, engulfing every bit of me as if to say 'hey, despite everything, i'm actually really happy with my life.'
I know, weird right?
It was as unexpected as it was exciting. I marveled and reveled in the feeling as my friend went on and on about how everyone else was having such a great time in uni and there we were,with no agenda. I don't clearly recall what else she said from then on. Her words sort of faded into the noisy busy street. It was a Thursday,also known as turn up day in uni. It's basically when the weekend begins because almost everyone is done with their classes for the week. Except for those who have Friday and Saturday classes. Those who are cursed to party with everyone else on Thursday only to miss their Friday classes because of extreme hangovers,or worse. To go to class extremely hangovered. Personally, I prefer not to blame it on the alcohol.
It was night time and the streets around uni were now starting to get busy. Bright lights and fancy cars. High heels and short dresses. The club around uni was starting to get filled up as students and club goers from all around showed up to welcome the weekend in style. There were flashy cars parked all along the path we were using, some with people inside indulging in the Maryjane herb, others with a bunch of kids just standing outside their cars, as if to proclaim that they were on top of the world. The night was filled with an array of sounds, from club music to cars hooting to young laughter, and not to mention the smell of weed that wafted in the air. Basically,it would make for a great teen indie film. Because isn't that what they're all about? Young adults embracing their youth through drugs,sex,friendship,heartbreak? Living the life?
And yet here we were, my friend and I, amidst all this energy, going to get groceries to prepare supper. We were completely excluded from the circle. Voluntarily or not. If we were to be in a teen indie film,we would basically be the kids who never got invited to any parties, didn't drink or smoke, probably rode bikes to school and genuinely loved spending time with their families more than their 'squad'. Mostly because we wouldn't even have a squad to begin with. We would be the observers,the unknown, the ones who really saw people for who they really were. The genuine friends and the ones who the cool guys secretly had a crush on or wanted to be friends with. We would be the ones who actually loved books,science and art and weren't afraid to show it. We would be the free ones.
Or at least I would be. My friend,not so much. That's why she kept going on about how boring and miserable our lives were. Because she was looking at all these kids,with flashy cars and fancy clothes and how they were living the life. They were young,high and in love and here we were, going to the 'Mama Mboga' (grocery lady),to get some kale. So I understood where she was coming from. I get her.
But me, I love my life. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is but I love it. Maybe it's the sense of tranquility from living as a Muslim. Maybe it's sense of accomplishment I get from being ambitious and striving to achieve my goals. Maybe it's the joy of striving to live a healthy and productive lifestyle. Maybe it's the sense of contentment I get from the simple things like the smell of books,or ice cream on a Sunday. Maybe.
Needless to say, I don't drink, smoke, club or do most of these things that society paints every young person in the world to be indulging in, and coercing young people everywhere to believe that for you to enjoy your youth and in turn enjoy life, you have to engage in all these things. The truth is, not every young person in the world is doing drugs or having random sex or is uninformed about their society or values like the media portrays.
Some of us actually have our crap together. Or at least some of it. And you know what? We love our lives. In my opinion, life is not lived through drugs,alcohol,sex or all these things bombarded to us by the media. Life is lived through experiences. If that is what your experience entails well and good. But experiences none the less. From the simple ones like spending time with your elderly neighbors and listening to stories about way back then to more complex ones like relationships and bad days. I'm no expert on life but that's my two cents.
I know I complain a lot. And I'm sorry about that. To myself first and foremost. Because I really am extremely grateful to Allah (sw) for all the bounties bestowed upon me. And complaining is such a terrible trait to have. Eww. But I am human so I tend to forget about these blessings pretty easily. I never claimed to be perfect but I am working on becoming a better person. And isn't that what life is about in the first place? I tend to think so.