Wednesday, May 17, 2017

I am Me, and I am Shameless.

 Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh!
Hello my loves!

Lately I’ve been thinking quite abit about life-my life, my present, past and what I want for myself in the future. I’ve been contemplating upon the concept of being fierce and living life bravely and boldly. However I do have to say that although this ‘press pause and reflect’ mode was activated greatly by the circumstances I was in, it was also highly inspired by Shameless Maya. If you don’t know who she is, you should definitely check out her channel and ruminate in all she’s about!

I’ve been watching Maya’s videos since forever, and I even remember showing one of her inspirational videos about being fearless and going for the gold in an entrepreneurship conference that I was spearheading. To me Maya isn’t just another Youtuber I watch, rather a mentor, an advisor, an influencer and one of my biggest inspirations. Her story is truly inspiring and I'm sure most of you will find it quite ravishing.

However it’s only recently when I seriously sat down and thought about her message and brand, ‘Be shameless.’ Although I’ve been watching her for ages and hearing the ‘be shameless’ mantra over and over again, it’s only a few days ago when I genuinely understood what she meant and hence decided that from now on, I would be Shameless, fearless, bold, brave and fierce in the pursuit of what makes me happy.

From back in the day when I was still yungin’ (lol is that even a thing), I remember always desperately trying to seek the approval of others. I was always worried that I wasn’t good enough and would ultimately disappoint one or the other. I got myself into bad company because I was too scared to say no, too afraid of what my ‘friends’ would think. I compromised my ideas and views because I was afraid of upsetting the status quo. But the most unfortunate part of it all is that I let people talk me out of my dreams and convince me that what they wanted for me was what I wanted. And for the longest time I walked my path careful not to upset anyone; neither my friends nor my family, yet all along I was upsetting myself. But that wasn’t important because I wasn’t important, I wasn’t a priority.

I vividly recall during a Parent teacher meeting in high school where my Kiswahili teacher told my guardian that the reason why I wasn’t performing well was because I was often so keen on pleasing everyone else that I failed to notice how I was completely disregarding myself. At the time I thought she was stretching the situation a tad bit too much, but as I look at it now I realize she was spot on. I was so desperate to get people to like me that I would end up putting myself in troublesome situations just so  that someone- anyone would consider me to be part of their squad. And when it wasn't about trying to please my friends, it was about trying to please my teachers or my family; and quite frankly, it was exhausting.

For the longest time I hid the fact that I had a blog, I didn’t want anyone to know because deep down I didn’t think my writing was good enough. And then I thought...what if they don’t like it? What if they think it’s stupid and dumb? Then I’m stupid and dumb which means that I’m an embarrassment, I’m a failure. And let’s face it, the fear of failure is a deep and dark abyss filled with crippling doubts and non-existent monsters. But I’ve made the decision to be done with that. And even as I make this declaration I can hear the ‘what if’s’ and ‘don’t kid yourself’ slowly creeping in from the back of my mind, but someone once told me that there is more value in trying and failing than in not trying at all. So I have to try, and I have to give it my all. 
Having the guts to be your true self definitely takes courage.It’s not easy having to search within yourself for truths that you might not be ready to come to terms with, but I promise you that confronting your truth will open doors that you never even knew existed.So go for it.

Being Shameless to me means daring to dream and dreaming actively and confidently. It means planning and strategizing and sacrificing what you need to, to get to where you need to go and create the life you want. It means being fearless and fierce when all you want to do is run. It means being confident in the belief that what I have to offer is worthwhile and important. So enough with the people pleasing, with the worrying about what everyone thinks, with the shame and the fear. It’s time to start living and to start living shamelessly.