When Lions learn to write.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hello everyone!😄

'Until the Lion learns to write, every story will glorify the hunter.' 

African Proverb

When I came up with the idea of filming Changing the Narrative, I was adamant on presenting to the world the Africa that I had come to love, adore and appreciate. I have not always been proud of Africa the way I am today. In fact, before I started my course on International Relations, I was one of the many Africans who saw this continent as one that was beyond repair. I genuinely saw it as a dark continent. If you were to ask me who my favourite authors were, you would notice that all the names came from the Western part of the globe. And not that there’s anything wrong with that, but in my situation, I genuinely thought that African authors had nothing to offer and that western authors always had something genuine to say and so a better way for me to spend my time. That being said, it wasn’t that I preferred western literature to African literature, it was that I completely dismissed African literature even before giving it a chance. I would think to myself, ‘what do they know about this issue, they’re from Africa just like me, they probably have nothing of value to add.’

And it didn’t stop there. My travel and shopping list was full of countries and items from the west; Paris, America, The UK. These were the places I aspired to travel to, because what did Africa have to offer other than famine, hunger and political instability. What was there to see that I hadn’t already seen in my own country? No. To dream of travelling around Africa was to dream small. It’s like wanting to see your neighbour’s house when it looks exactly like yours! ‘Dream big’ we were always told. However to me for some reason, that meant aspiring to Western heights.

I remember in my last year of high school as the concept of University drew closer, I was extremely focused on getting into an American University or one in the UK, because what’s better than that? Even when my teachers spoke of great Kenyan Universities, I would simply think to myself, that’s not for me, that’s simply not dreaming big enough. In my mind I was completely brainwashed to believe that West was best. I even dismissed my own culture and heritage. For the longest time, I was completely against learning my ethnic languages because I simply felt that that was taking a step back from civilization. Even dressing in my cultural attire was a huge problem for me because I had such a negative perception towards it.

But boy was I wrong. The irony of my University experience is that I actually ended up going to the United States International University of Africa, to which I was completely against the idea. Not because it was not a University in the West, but because at that moment I genuinely wanted to attend a Kenyan University, and in my mind, this University wasn’t Kenyan enough. (I know, I’m so confusing but let’s just roll with it). However, little did I know that this decision would be one of the most important and pivotal of my life.

Through my university experience, I blossomed in all aspects of my life. I experienced a paradigm shift in terms of how I saw the world and in turn how I saw Africa. I got to meet different people from all over Africa and the rest of the world, and experience various cultures that really opened my eyes to how beautiful and rich this continent is. It made me appreciate my heritage and culture, my kinky hair and melanated skin. It made me appreciate my roots and history and gave me a new found respect for where I come from.

Me embracing my culture at my Uni's culture week :)

Granted that Africa does experience a myriad of challenges, it is also where calm and chaos live side by side. I have definitely found a love for this continent that I never knew was in me and I feel responsible to share this new found appreciation with the rest of the world. Because I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who was chained to this fallacy of Africa as darkness and hopelessness. In my opinion, young people in Kenya today definitely have some level of awareness about Kenya and even Africa. But I doubt they understand how important and essential it is for them to learn about their history, heritage and culture and be proud of who they are and where they come from.And so I hope that this short film can inspire Africans and non Africans to learn about all that Africa has to offer, and dismiss all these false narratives that we as a people keep being bombarded with. I hope that this can be our first step to changing the narrative.

Ps. If you haven't watched the short film, make sure you do!As always I love hearing from you guys!xoxo

I hate 2017.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Heeyy...😒

I’ve been trying to write this post since the beginning of January. My first post of 2017. I was meaning for it to be all light and preppy and happy, and a recollection of  what 2016 was like for me, but as of now that’s not really how I feel. So…I’m not really sure how things will turn out here. 

As I begin writing this post, its 1.42 am, the 25^th of January. It’s my birthday today, and I feel nothing close to festive. I feel stuck, considering its only January and I already feel like I’m having the worst time ever.I should be a pro at this by now right?Wrong! And not to be melodramatic and make cliché comments about how long January is or how broke I am like most people tend to do during the month of January, but generally and honestly, I just, feel, bleh.

I stepped into 2017 with utmost positivity and enthusiasm, and I ushered this new year with a youthful hope and wide open heart. Granted I spent the new year in my warm cozy room watching episodes of Reign, but I genuinely wanted to stay in because 2016 had me all up and down and I was exhausted, I needed some down time.

However, things just don’t seem to be working out lately. Which is why I feel stuck. I’m confused because it only makes sense that if you put in 100% effort into something, you should atleast get back a 50% you know? Just enough to keep you motivated and excited for the work ahead. But what happens when you don’t even get a 20% in return? Or even 10%?

Now I’m completely aware that life is not suppose to be easy, and I’m aware that there are plenty of people out there who have it worse than I do.But …here I am I guess.

Let's talk 2016

2016 was a year full of stress,(positive stress, the kind that makes you want to keep the hustle going); from trying to get my passport, to filming two individual short film projects, writing my final year project, graduating and travelling out of the country for a whole six weeks, by myself. And yet it was my best year yet. 2016 was not only a year of metamorphosis, but one of acceptance and strength because I got to challenge myself in ways that I could never imagine, and even more so, emerge victorious. I loved it. I not only got an A on my final year project (yes I have to brag about that), but I also got to travel outside of the country twice, graduate and start my youtube channel. It was a year of many firsts and that path led to meeting some of the most amazing people yet. We could say I finally allowed myself to breathe and really enjoy where I was. I accepted and became content with who I was, instead of constantly worrying about who I needed to be and learnt to be present, to be happy.

That was until time caught up with me and reminded me that I needed to get back to 'adulting'. I still had that spirit and momentum in me and I was excited to carry on with it. However, once the first thing went wrong in the beginning of January, it’s been like a domino effect, just one thing after the other.  I tried filming a video the about two weeks ago, I worked so hard on it and the end result was in simple terms, less than what I expected. And I’m not one to waste my efforts but I decided I would not post it because I basically wasn’t happy with it. And that is just absolutely frustrating, disappointing and upsetting. But such is life.

 Journaling is stupid

Today was the first time I journaled since being in Rwanda. I’ve been quite hesitant in writing anything down lately because a part of me feels like I’m too old to be journaling, especially since the entry begins with ‘dear diary’. I actually really like that entry, I feel like I’m saying hi to a close friend before I start spilling the juice on all the things that have been going wrong in my life, or going right for that matter. I feel like 23 means being you’re now really ready for adulthood, considering how marriage, independence, and ‘think about your future’ issues are starting to ‘randomly’ pop up in conversations with relatives. I could be overthinking things but that’s just what I’m overthinking about right now.

I thought journaling would help jolt some creativity and help me write this blog post and I guess it worked. I mean  I did manage to write this…whatever this is, which is definitely better than nothing in my opinion.I guess what I wanted to say is that if you're feeling like absolute shite, worry not because you're not alone.We can feel like shit together. Ugh I feel sick just saying that. Or that could also be my 3am cravings? Nevermind.

Ps. It’s only been 3 hours of being 23 and I’m already freaking out. I hate 2017 😒.

 

Here's why I went on my sudden blogging hiatus.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Amakuru!!! (Hello in Kinyarwanda) 😃

As I start off writing this post, I have no idea what exactly I’m going to write, but I do feel that I need to explain my sudden hiatus before I jump back into my regular posts. First of all I’ve missed you guys a tonne! I’ve missed blogging so much, however this break was highly necessary, to refresh and recollect.  There isn’t one particular reason as to why I took this break, it’s more of an amalgamation of different reasons that followed each other consecutively thus ridding me of the time and motivation to blog.

Initially I had decided to take a break from blogging to remind myself of why I started. I explained some of it on my Facebook page (which is where I do most of my mini posts when I’m not on here), where I basically said that I needed to do some soul searching. I had lost the excitement of blogging and my ideas didn’t seem as capturing as they initially were. They no longer made me want to jump out of bed in the morning and take awesome pictures for my next post, nor did they make me enthusiastic about sitting on my laptop and racking my brains for some sensible words to come to me.

I had lost sight of why I started blogging and focused too much on what I could get out of it. I was constantly checking on my numbers to see how big of a blogger I was and how I could get even bigger in order for my blog to mean something. Somehow I had come to attach the essence and value of my blog to how big of a following I had on my different social platforms, and how much money or brands I could capture through my blog. I was constantly comparing myself to other bloggers and questioning how good I was, questioning how important my blog was. And thus I had sucked the life out of blogging. It was no longer a hobby or something that I enjoyed, rather it became a chore, an exhausting and unexciting activity.

When I took the break, I ceased to do things for the sake of having an outcome and simply did them because I wanted to and enjoyed it. I found myself once more because I was no longer taking part in my art for anyone else, but I was doing it simply to make myself happy. It didn’t matter if no one liked my picture, shared my post or retweeted my tweet because the external forces didn’t matter anymore, only what I thought. And I finally realized that love really is the answer, I know that’s a corny cliché, but it’s so true. In my case, it was the love of what I do and the joy it brings to my heart.  Once I realized that I was looking outwards instead of inwards, It dawned on me that I was doing it all wrong and I had to change. And just like that I was ready to get back to my love once more.

However life has it’s ups and downs and it happened that my grandma passed away, someone who’s closeness to me was engraved in the depths of my soul. She was a tough cookie that one, I miss her so much. But such is the will of Allah (Subhana Wata’ala) and it is to Him we belong and to Him we shall return. After that, I felt I needed time to mourn and simply adjust to life without her, especially with the fact that I’m now living in my her house (may Allah Subhanallah have mercy on her), it’s such a strange feeling but Alhamdulillah I’m getting used to it. It also helps to be surrounded with friends and family which I have plenty of at the house.

Following that was that I was preparing for my exchange to Rwanda which is where I currently am!!!I am super excited to share my journey in Rwanda with you guys and I have so much to tell you. Since this post is about my disappearing act, I’m going to leave things here and tell you all about my adventures in Rwanda in a different and more concrete post God willing!Thank you so much for sticking around, and for the love and support. I’ve been super active on my social media so if we aren’t friends on there yet, lets catch up shall we!As always, I love hearing from you guys!xoxo

Wanderlust.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hello my people!

For the past two weeks or so I’ve been quite vigilant in trying to make sure that I have a post up every Wednesday and Sunday. To the ones who noticed and reckoned that there was no Wednesday or Sunday post for that matter because this will probably be going up on Monday, I sincerely apologize. I simply was not in the right state of mind nor mood.  To the ones who didn’t notice, never mind.

As I’ve expressed on my blog before, It’s much easier to make posts surrounding products or items that live in the actual world and not in my constantly wondering head; because then I don’t have to go into the depths of my intricate mind and rack my brains out in order for me to carefully pick out jumbled up thoughts, and somehow manage to arrange them into a written piece and hence give them a meaningful life. Basically, posts that aren’t labeled ‘thoughts’ I personally find to be much easier to handle. Although they entail their own level of 'handwork' such as taking great pictures and having the perfect setting, they don’t necessarily force one to painfully look at themselves and converse with their inner troubles.

So...Wanderlust;  a strong innate desire to travel and explore the world. It comes from the German words ‘Wandern’ which means to hike and ‘Lust’ which means desire. When directly translated, it means the enjoyment that comes from hiking or roaming about or wandering; atleast according to Wikipedia. Wanderlust seems to be a state of mind that has captured many of the moon children of our current generation. And as much as I strive to stand out and not be a groupie, I am unfortunately part of this crowd of people who simply want to explore, discover and experience the wild adventures that life has to offer.

I find it quite intriguing how diverse our world is, how we can have so much diversity in food and style and language and dressing. How we can say hello and thank you in a million different languages and how one thing in this culture means something completely different in another culture. In the holy Qur’an, Allah The Exalted tells us that He created us from a single pair of male and female and made us into diverse tribes and nations so that we may learn from one another. And isn’t it fascinating how much there is to learn about each other? I mean in Kenya alone we have 42 different tribes, 43 if you include Nubians, all with completely different languages, traditions and customs. Instead of looking at our differences as aspects of life that divide us, we should realize that our differences are actually where our individual beauty lies and what unites us as humanity, because if we were all the same, we would not learn anything from each other because there’s nothing to learn from in the first place.

However, just as history has proven, human being’s acceptance of ‘different’ has not always been that smooth. Often times the reception has been accompanied by fear and anxiety. Which as I write this post seems completely absurd to me and yet I am living proof of it. In a few weeks in shaa Allah, I will be traveling to Rwanda for an internship, God willing if everything goes well. I will be there for a period of six weeks and it will be my first time traveling alone, to a different country, by myself. As much I am excited for this amazing opportunity, I am also completely terrified for the simple reason that this is different and not what I am used to. My brain keeps coming up with all these situations that could possibly go wrong and then because my brain is so fascinating, it comes up with solutions to problems that it created in the first place! Oh brain how awesome you are!

In all honesty, the fear I am experiencing is making this experience, which is not yet even guaranteed, seem quite daunting and scary, because I’m leaving my comfort zone and heading into uncharted waters. I feel like we are so accustomed to always having someone to hold our hands throughout life, and when we lose that hand we are paralyzed in our tracks. A simple example spending time alone; because how many of us feel completely confident going to the movies by ourselves? Or going for an event by ourselves or eating lunch by ourselves? That being said, we need to start being comfortable with the idea of being alone, because being alone is not being lonely. *Note to self.

Unfortunately, the idea of allowing fear to convince us into cowering away from our dreams and ambitions is something that is quite prevalent, especially in this day and age. Not only because of the immense pressure to be successful , but also because it has unfortunately become so easy for us to focus solely on what could go horribly and forget that you know what? Things could go absolutely great too.

Being a graduate who I would say was suddenly thrust into the world of adulthood, and basically expected to know exactly what to do and when to do it, you kind of quickly learn that fears will always be there. Today it could be one thing and the next day something completely different.Basically, there will always some type of fear that is relevant to where we are in life. A few months ago it was what grade a certain lecturer is going to give me, whereas today, it’s something different.

I remember reading in one comic whose name has completely slipped my mind, that the essence of conquering your fears is not waging a war against them, but learning to coexist with them. It’s about facing that fear and admitting that while the fear is a possibility it is not a reality. Atleast not yet, and until it is, I we need to open the door that is our mind, say hello to our fears, welcome them in for some tea with a smile, and sit down to watch our favourite shows together.

Being afraid isn’t wrong, it’s human; but letting fear control us, that just sheer cowardice. And who wants to be a coward? Certainly not me, and I hope you don’t either.

HIGHLIGHTS // Life after Graduation + Graduation Vlog!

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hello my people!

The past few weeks have definitely been a roller coaster of events, coupled with an array of various emotions. It began with one of my most stressful semesters ever!!!( what's new though i say that about every semester lol), followed by graduation and finally moving out of my hostel apartment, which if I may say, taught me that moving is not as exciting as i thought it was when i was younger.

The timing with regards to my graduation ceremony could not be any more perfect. I got done with my courses on Saturday and was graduating by the next Saturday (August 20th). After the graduation, I moved out of the hostel apartments and took my stuff into my grandma’s house and a day after that, I came back home to Mombasa. I'm not quite sure where i'll be settling down as of now, there's so much that both Mombasa and Nairobi have to offer, but in shaa Allah i'll know with time.

It has literally been one thing after the other, and I haven't really had time to take in the fact that i'm officially a graduate. I mean I'm basically an adult guys, with grown up stuff to worry about, like money, the future, bills, you know what i'm talking about.To be honest, i'm not as worried as people around me are.I'm constantly being asked by people of all ages, 'so what's next?' Some are sincerely curious, others want to here you're answer so they can find ideas for themselves within that, while others simply want to know if you have your ish together.

However if there's one thing I've learnt throughout my short life, it's that no one really has their ish together. No one really knows what they're doing. People are simply trying out different things and hoping that they turn out great. And if they don't, they simply get up and try again. Personally, i think that the people who look like they have everything figured out, the people who have their ish together, are those who put their best foot forward every single day. Those who acknowledge that every single day is a chance to create and grab opportunities, a chance to take one step towards the person you want to be and the life you want to live. Everyday is a chance to put in some effort to get you to where you want to be and most importantly, to keep pushing no matter what.

Nevertheless, this journey is not an easy one because if it was, everyone would do it. One of the most inspirational speakers to me, Les brown, talks about how it's not about the destination, but the journey itself. The experiences and obstacles you have to go through in that journey will mould you into the phoenix that you aspire to be. And so I realize that when people ask me what's next, it's ok to say 'I don't know' because honestly, no one knows what tomorrow holds for them.You could be employed one moment and out of a job in the next. 

Where most of us go wrong however, is that we see this concept of 'I don't know' as something negative. Hence we freeze in our tracks when people ask us this question because we have this perception that one has to have all the answers. But I see the concept of not knowing as an opportunity to explore, to wander and to challenge yourself. We can't all walk the same journey, we can only walk our own journey and sometimes, people who are not on this journey with us, people who do not share our visions may find our choices and decisions extremely difficult to understand. But that doesn't mean that we're wrong, it simply means that we're trying to figure ourselves out, were trying to figure our goals and our journeys out. And this may take a day for some and years for others, regardless, there's honestly absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So when people ask me what's next, expecting me to say that i have a job lined up for me somewhere, I simply say ' I don't know, I want to travel a little bit even though i have no money (lol), I also want to focus on creating content for my blog and my Youtube and also work on some personal projects, even though I don't get paid these things, I feel they are still important to me because they make me all giddy on the inside, they keep me busy, inspired and influence my personal development. Don't worry, getting a job is still at the top of my list of priorities. However as of now, I want to live a little, to learn and to explore, and who knows what the future holds, things could go my way, or nah. Either way, i'm excited, slightly terrified, but still excited.

As always, I love hearing from you guys and don't forget to check out my graduation vlog!Remember to like, subscribe, share and all that amazingness!

LIVING IT UP! // GRADUATION DINNER + VLOG //

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hi my people!

 It has been a while, and by a while I mean 22 whole days because my Facebook page won’t let me catch a breath; constantly reminding me that I’ve been away for 22 whole days; which in social media life span is basically a century. However in my defense, I was finishing up my university experience in style. Trying to hand in all my projects in time, attending graduation dinners and preparing for graduation…and then graduating!

Yes, I said graduating, yes I am officially a graduate, I also find that hard to believe but it actually happened Alhamdulillah! But let’s not get carried away here, one step at a time please. This post is about my graduation dinner experience and…*drum rolls please* my first Youtube video!!!I actually have a channel with an actual video guys! Can we just take a moment to clap for me or something! It feels so surreal Subhanallah.

I remember when I first met and fell in love with Youtube in 2013, when I came to Nairobi for uni and had the privilege of staying at my aunt’s house that had wi fi round the clock. I had already discovered my love for editing by then and so when I learnt about Youtube I automatically knew that it was a community I wanted to be a part of; and now I am!!!I’m so grateful and excited and terrified all at the same time but hey what’s life if not a whirl wind of emotions? Anyway, back to the graduation dinner.

Fashionably Late

I’m always late for my events to be honest, but that’s only because I do it on purpose, I’m what you call 'fashionably late'. I think. From what I’m used to, school events normally go past midnight. Hence when the night is over, all you want to do is catapult yourself into bed. What I therefore prefer to do is make sure I make my Isha prayer (night prayer which begins at about 7. 50 pm ish) before leaving for the event lest I become lethargic and exhausted and thus fail to make it when I come back from the event.

Little did I know that graduation dinner actually ends at 11pm…and not in African time but literally 11pm. So there I go arriving at around 8.45pm when the event actually began at 6pm. It’s ok though, I still made it in time for the food. All in all I had an amazing time at the event and I’m so glad I went for it even though the ticket was friggin Ksh. 4000! Most of my friends actually bailed because they felt that the price was way too much and they couldn’t be bothered, but what do they know those losers.

'Touchy - Feely' Parting Shot

Being done with Uni has made me realize the importance of making memories and living in the present. It seems like only yesterday I was a freshman and here I am calling myself a graduate. It made me realize what really matters; the experiences, the people, the places, the laughter, the fun. All those papers I stressed about, all the term papers I wrote, all of these were important no doubt. But majority of them are going into the bin because I’m not going into the next chapter of my life hoarding a bunch of papers I wrote in Uni, I’m actually only keeping about four of the papers I wrote out of a whole three years of University, which if i may say is a huge feat in itself.

However all those camping trips, all the school events, the conferences and class trips, the chances and risks I took, the people and the places, these pictures, these memories I pray to carry them on with me.  I hope you guys also learnt atleast one thing on this journey with me and I hope I inspired you in any little way whatsoever, to be bold and brave. Enough chit chat though, on to the vlog!!Make sure  you like, subscribe and share the love! Thank you so much for all the love and support and as always, I love hearing from you guys!xoxo