LIVING IT UP! // GRADUATION DINNER + VLOG //

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hi my people!

 It has been a while, and by a while I mean 22 whole days because my Facebook page won’t let me catch a breath; constantly reminding me that I’ve been away for 22 whole days; which in social media life span is basically a century. However in my defense, I was finishing up my university experience in style. Trying to hand in all my projects in time, attending graduation dinners and preparing for graduation…and then graduating!

Yes, I said graduating, yes I am officially a graduate, I also find that hard to believe but it actually happened Alhamdulillah! But let’s not get carried away here, one step at a time please. This post is about my graduation dinner experience and…*drum rolls please* my first Youtube video!!!I actually have a channel with an actual video guys! Can we just take a moment to clap for me or something! It feels so surreal Subhanallah.

I remember when I first met and fell in love with Youtube in 2013, when I came to Nairobi for uni and had the privilege of staying at my aunt’s house that had wi fi round the clock. I had already discovered my love for editing by then and so when I learnt about Youtube I automatically knew that it was a community I wanted to be a part of; and now I am!!!I’m so grateful and excited and terrified all at the same time but hey what’s life if not a whirl wind of emotions? Anyway, back to the graduation dinner.

Fashionably Late

I’m always late for my events to be honest, but that’s only because I do it on purpose, I’m what you call 'fashionably late'. I think. From what I’m used to, school events normally go past midnight. Hence when the night is over, all you want to do is catapult yourself into bed. What I therefore prefer to do is make sure I make my Isha prayer (night prayer which begins at about 7. 50 pm ish) before leaving for the event lest I become lethargic and exhausted and thus fail to make it when I come back from the event.

Little did I know that graduation dinner actually ends at 11pm…and not in African time but literally 11pm. So there I go arriving at around 8.45pm when the event actually began at 6pm. It’s ok though, I still made it in time for the food. All in all I had an amazing time at the event and I’m so glad I went for it even though the ticket was friggin Ksh. 4000! Most of my friends actually bailed because they felt that the price was way too much and they couldn’t be bothered, but what do they know those losers.

'Touchy - Feely' Parting Shot

Being done with Uni has made me realize the importance of making memories and living in the present. It seems like only yesterday I was a freshman and here I am calling myself a graduate. It made me realize what really matters; the experiences, the people, the places, the laughter, the fun. All those papers I stressed about, all the term papers I wrote, all of these were important no doubt. But majority of them are going into the bin because I’m not going into the next chapter of my life hoarding a bunch of papers I wrote in Uni, I’m actually only keeping about four of the papers I wrote out of a whole three years of University, which if i may say is a huge feat in itself.

However all those camping trips, all the school events, the conferences and class trips, the chances and risks I took, the people and the places, these pictures, these memories I pray to carry them on with me.  I hope you guys also learnt atleast one thing on this journey with me and I hope I inspired you in any little way whatsoever, to be bold and brave. Enough chit chat though, on to the vlog!!Make sure  you like, subscribe and share the love! Thank you so much for all the love and support and as always, I love hearing from you guys!xoxo

 

The Magic of coming up with blog post Ideas!

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hello everyone!

Whether you’re starting out in the blogsphere or have been in it for a while now, but are still struggling to find blogging ideas, you need to know that that is a perfectly normal phase in the development of a blogger or a writer. In the writers' world this would basically be termed as writer’s block, which is known to be quite natural.However staying in that zone is definitely not recommended.
When I first started blogging I was highly inconsistent and most of the time, posting simply for the sake of posting.I was not keen on my content nor intimate with it. However, I was extremely fascinated by the aspect of blogging and I knew deep down that this was a sphere I wanted to be included in.

Hence I kept on with blogging, posting once or twice in three months because I simply had no idea what to post!If you read my post on why I started blogging, you would remember me saying that I looked to what everyone else was doing and tried to mimic that.However it just was not happening because I was not being authentic with the content I was putting out.The worst part about taking this route is that writing or blogging, however you want to look at it becomes more of a chore than a hobby.Little by little the thought of posting something on your blog becomes a dreaded and exhausting issue, like school assignments.However, if you keep at it, you will find your way and your voice just like I did.

The first tip I have to ignite the magic of coming up with blog post ideas is to:

Explore.

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with checking out what other bloggers are doing.There is however something wrong with copying because that’s basically plagiarism, however no one said you couldn’t try something new that you discovered on someone else’s blog.Moreover, that’s how you find your voice.By exploring new and different avenues, you get to discover more about yourself and the things you’re good at and enjoy.When I first started blogging, I could never see myself doing fashion and beauty posts, blogging to me was more of a diary style type of thing. But while I still enjoy posting my 'honest to God posts', I am also posting more fashion and beauty related posts and I’m absolutely loving it!Through this, my photography skills on my blog have also greatly improved (atleast i hope so!) because now I am also keen to learn new things in order for me to produce content that I am proud of.So don’t close yourself in, allow yourself to explore and grow.

Find inspiration in the world around you.

When I first read this on Lily Melrose’s blog, it was like the words came to life simply to slap me back into existence.I had never imagine finding blogging ideas could be so interesting and fun. When I say finding inspiration in the world around you, I mean look around  you and ask yourself, what’s going on around me? What’s going on today?Are you making breakfast? Maybe you could make a recipe post.If you’re having exams, you could make a study tips post.Or maybe you could simply rant about how you feel.Write about the new café you went to with your friends or the drama that went down at school yesterday and your thoughts on it.When you think of blog posts ideas in such a manner, you realize that inspiration is all around us and there’s so much to write about!So there you go, whatever category of blogger you are, find inspiration in the world around you.

Learn from the best.

Do you have any bloggers that you admire, who blog about the things that interest you? Why not take a page from them and mix it up with your own personal twist. If you try to copy someone else’s art you will only end up frustrating yourself because no two people can make art in the exact same way.You have to make your own art.Learn from the people you admire and then do it the way you do it because no one can do it like you . No one can make art the way you make art.Also, strive to create work that you are pleased with first and foremost before pleasing anyone else.

Lastly, Be Patient

I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like you are putting so much effort and not moving an inch.Furthermore, you look around you and see all these people doing great things and you simply sit there wondering why things are not happening for you.Be patient and be vigilant.You smart girl, you loyal.Don’t give up because you’re not creating content like so and so. Or your content isn’t getting as much traffic as nani’s blog.Everyone’s journey is different and sacred.So trust in your journey and enjoy the ride.

I hope these few tips helped you understand the magic of coming up with blog post ideas.As always, I love hearing from you guys and thank you for stopping by!

STRESS LEVELS ON PEAK!

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh!

Wassup!

Can you tell that's me in cap?

My thoughts are all tangled and jumbled up and it's making it very difficult for me to express myself coherently.Blackbear is playing and i have to say i am damn impressed!However, i'm experiencing a mixture of emotions, one moment i'm excessively stressed out to the point where my heart is racing, and the next minute i have zero fucks to give and can not be bothered with this stressful uni life.I mean i came to uni to get an education not a heart attack!

I feel so angry for some reason, at a non- existent figure if not myself and i've noticed that i've been quite tempestuous and misanthropic lately.Evidently, my last semester has  proven to be my most difficult and stressful.I basically want to throw everything in air and chuck my deuces up but hell nah, not after all the tears i've wept to get to this point.Honestly, i am extremely exhausted and drained.I'm just ready to be done with all these bloody assignments and projects.I'm currently at that point where you get extremely stressed until your stress gets converted to a type of fake chill.So that's where i am now, fake chilling until my nerves sky rocket once more to volcanic heights.Until then, enjoy this little note that i found to radiate such positivity, which we all need, always.I hope you guys are great wherever you are, make dua for me please!As always, i love hearing from you.Until next time!xoxo

The Wasted years, The Wasted Youth.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hi Guys!

I just checked my calendar only to realize that Eid is next week Subhanallah…HOW EVEN?!!! I’m basically lowkey freaking out. Actually no, I’m outrightly and openly freaking out because I have an assignment due on Wednesday, a tonne of work to do for my final project which is due next week on Friday, of which Eid is also next week, so I have no idea how that’ll work out because regardless of when Eid will be, I have to be back for my Friday class which is my project class; of which I am extremely far behind on so I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go home for more than a day to spend time with my family. 

Not to mention I have to start filming for my documentary class, and on the 11^th of July I will be traveling to Ethiopia in shaa Allah for my field studies class; for which 'Yaaay!'... but not really because I'm way too exhausted. Tell me my stress levels should not be through the roof right now. And yet I look around me and no one else seems to be losing their minds. No one seems to be experiencing a volcanic eruption of stress and anxiety. And it makes me wonder; maybe I’m the misfit here. Maybe I take things too seriously, but then shouldn’t school be taken seriously? Shouldn’t one’s future be handled with care? Then again maybe I think too much too.

However, there is a silver lining.I don’t know what it is yet but I’m sure it exists.I prayed about my worries and fears today and I let it all out. It felt good, it felt freeing to release all that built up angst. I also cried, but don’t worry about it, crying comes naturally for me.Whenever I’m in a dark situation where I feel helpless,frantic and vulnerable, my instinct is simply to cry.And that’s something I’m not ashamed of,I’m ok with tears, because afterwards I’m able get my mind straight and do what needs to be done.Other times I simply cry some more.

I know that one day I’m going to look back on this situation and wonder why I was so stressed, but one thing I do not want to do is look back and feel like I wasted this time of my life worrying, obsessing and being fearful.I want to look back in shaa Allah, and say that even though I was pressed up against the wall, I have something to show for it; I lived, even if for a little. I didn’t allow the weight of the darkness to crumble on my feeble shoulders. I want to say that I sought pleasure in the things that brought me joy, the things that made me happy.And  who knows, maybe that is the silver lining.That amongst all the turmoil, we still have the capability and opportunity to take part in what we love, when so many have not been gifted with that. We still have the chance to be anchored and to be latched on to our passions.

As I sat in my script writing class today and my mind wandered off to all my pending commitments, I wrote this little snippet, which to me seems a bit eerie and moody but I guess that was what oozed out of me then:

Tired of school, Stress on peak.

Missing my art, wanting to bloom.

Wanting to cry, wanting to speak.

The rebel in me, scared of being judged.

Scared of being shunned, scared of being banned.

Make my mom proud, work on my dreams

Scared of failure, scared of mediocre

Scared of failure.

Craving sleep, craving rest.

Craving comfort.

Anxious and anxious,lowkey though.

Happy with my faith.

Wanting to scream out loud, wanting to dance.

Wanting to travel.

Happy with my faith, Proud of myself.

Scared of failing, tired of uni.

Facing my demons.

 Ready to be alive, Ready to feel alive. 

Thankful for today, Hoping it gets better.

Praying it gets better, Believing it gets better.

Yes.It gets better.

What if Ramadhan doesn't change Me?

Asslam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh

Hello everyone!Ramadhan Mubarak!

Photo by me! woop!woop!Is that a legit sunset or what! :)

I’m busy. I really am. It’s my last semester and I have four courses to survive through. Three of which are quite bulky. Organized college students usually have one or two courses left to finish up with in their last semester, at least the ones I know. But you know me, I’m unique. A part of me feels like this semester is simply like any other. I’ve been through the crazy courses, sleepless nights and buckets of tears before; I guess it simply being the last semester scares me, and it causes me to heap on it some extra pressure. Pressure that I figure could be somewhat unnecessary, but oh well, here we are. And so I believe you can understand my lackadaisical drive to post on here. It’s not that I’m ignoring my blog, but you guys know the drill. However today, I felt a duty to post. A duty to myself, and a duty as a Muslim girl who is going through something that if shared, I believe could help someone out there. Besides, posts like these are why I started to blog in the first place. Posts like these are what I wanted to read. But no one was writing such, so here I am.

I was apprehensive at the onset of Ramadhan; kind of fidgety and absolutely anxious. Not because I’m scared of fasting, not at all. I remember when I first fasted my full Ramadhan, as in 29 days of legit fasting. I believe I was either six or seven and it was my first Ramadhan ever. I went to my mom and let her know that I wanted to fast… for the whole month. What parents usually do is they train you with half day fasting so that when it becomes mandatory upon you as a Muslim child to fast (usually when puberty kicks in), it is much easier for one to do so. But not me, I beat my mom to it. I was seven years old and I made up my mind to fast the entire month. Even when my mom would tell me it was ok for me to break my fast if I was too hungry or thirsty, I would completely decline the suggestion. So believe me when I say fasting in Ramadhan was not my reason for being anxious.

I had been thinking about life alot.I have been thinking about life a lot . I thought about my past two Ramadhans and how I was so far from where I was intending to be as a conscious Muslim girl. Contrary to popular belief, Ramadhan is not about the food. I know…big shocker! But it is true. Ramadhan is about spiritual nourishment, it is about spiritual and individual growth and it is about strengthening our connection and relationship with Allah (sw). Its focus is on the human soul. Where’s your soul at? That's the big question.

Essentially, Ramadhan is a kind of stop sign for you to evaluate your life and see whether you have been following Allah (sw’s) commands to living a successful and productive life, the way Allah (sw), The Most Loving wants us to live. And if not, find your way back to Allah (sw). As I perused over the pages of my life, I realized that I was way worse than I had anticipated. The scholars of Islam say that one way to know whether your Ramadhan has been accepted is that you continue with the good deeds that you adopted during Ramadhan, even after Ramadhan is over. More importantly, that the bad deeds or bad habits that Allah (sw) doesn’t like for us, the bad deeds that we chose to leave behind in the holy month of Ramadhan, we stayed away from those even after Ramadhan was over.

However for me, I had gone back to those bad habits and had even adopted worse habits compared to the ones I had before. Now, I’ve always been conscious of the fact that I’m a Muslim. Alhamdulillah, I developed an interest for Islam from quite an early age, taking note of the fact that I don’t hail from a super religious background. I didn’t even attend Islamic school but Alhamdulillah Allah (sw) provided for me abundantly. That being said, when I decided to break the rules, I knew I was doing something bad, I knew Allah (sw) was displeased with that action, but even then I still did it. Talk about peer pressure and all that jazz but at the end of the day I knew that the problem was with me and with my relationship with Allah (sw).

I was distant from Him (sw) and a trick that shaytaan (the devil) uses when we sin or make mistakes is that he whispers into our souls that we should avoid Allah (sw). And so avoid anything Islamic, anything that reminds us of Allah (sw), because when we remember Him, we are reminded of our disobedience towards Him. It’s kind of like a Parent – child relationship, when a child makes a mistake, they do everything they can to hide that mistake or avoid the parents because they acknowledge that they did something wrong and there will be consequences.

Which is where I was at; I was looking at my soul and asking myself, ‘how in the world did I get here?’ And I thought to myself, if I was to die today, I would not want to meet Allah (sw) with such a soul. I look at my life, my amazing life, and I acknowledge that I don’t deserve any of it. I don’t deserve to be this awesome (lol, vain much?) but Allah (sw) is extremely Merciful and extremely giving and extremely loving that even when we disobey Him and we turn away from Him, He still loves us and He still wants us to be close to Him.

So as I sat there, I realized that it was time to change, like legit. This life where every Ramadhan is a slap in the face reminding me of what an ungrateful servant I am, of what a failure of a Muslim I am, is not a life that I want to live. The reason why I was apprehensive about Ramadhan is because I was afraid of changing. I’ve tried changing before and I failed, so why even bother when I’m simply going to fail again, I thought. I was afraid of giving up the things that I am so attached to but deep down I know bring me no value because they are displeasing to the one I love, Allah (sw).And I was also afraid because  I thought, what if Ramadhan doesn’t change me? What if I fail once again…and you guys all know my relationship with failure. We simply don’t click!

But then I realized that Ramadhan is simply a wakeup call, a stop sign, a mercy from Allah (sw). Ultimately, I am responsible for the changes I want to see in myself. Being a Muslim is a life long journey full of ups and downs. Every day is a day to be Muslim not just during Ramadhan. What’s more profound to me is that you have to want it that bad, because it’s hard. That devil hating-Creator loving mentality isn’t something you simply wake up with, rather it is something that you have to strive and work hard for. You have to put in the effort, the blood and the tears, the same way you put effort into something that you love. And I guess that’s why I’m somewhat scared. What if I can’t do it? But I’m not one to let fear stop me.

I love Islam, but words have to manifest into actions. And i understand that, so if you love Islam too, then I ask you to look to your soul and turn back to Allah (sw).Verily, to Allah (sw) we belong and to Him we shall return. I’m ready to put in the work and I understand that it is going to be hard and I’ll probably fall plenty of times. But Allah (sw) says in the Qur’an that when My servant asks about me tell them I am near. I’m here for you, He (sw) says.And what could be more awesome than having the Lord of the Worlds by your side? So you’re not alone, I’m not alone, we aren’t alone. And So I’d rather spend my days trying to get on deen than continue living a lie. Because until when will we lie to ourselves? Until when will we decided to turn back to Allah (sw) and be Muslim?